Recently in Adventures in Retailing Category

If you live in the Chicago area it is worth the drive out to Batavia to shop this place. If you have any rehabbing work in your near future, looking to finish your basement, or just love weekend projects like me... You need to get to the ReStore & get some great deals on all kinds of great building supplies & fixtures for dirt cheap before they close forever!!! Check out their website:

http://www.reuseitcenter.org/

(AP) SEATTLE A newly opened store catering to very pampered dogs, especially female dogs, is getting more than questioning looks for its name, High Maintenance Bitch.

The third word in the sign is widely visible at North 45th Street and Wallingford Avenue North, one of the main intersections in the Wallingford neighborhood business west of Interstate 5 and north of the Lake Washington Ship Canal.

"I am probably the most progressive liberal person in the world and I am personally offended by the sign," said Janet Stillman, executive director of the Wallingford Neighborhood Office. "It's so blatant and so in your face."

The sign is the issue more than products such as Gel-ous Bitch bath gel and Street Walker paw cleanser, said Kara Ceriello, co-president of the Wallingford Chamber of Commerce.

Ceriello said she supports the store but has heard complaints from about a dozen people.

"It is going to be a hot issue again when we get to our Wallingford Kiddie Parade and Street Fair," she said.

Stillman said the sign could wreck family photographs of the parade, scheduled for July 7.

"Walk by there with your 5-year-old and try to explain why that sign is there. Half of the sign is made up of the word 'bitch.'"

Making no apologies, co-founder Lori Pacchiano, 36, said she planned to meet with the chamber Thursday. Meanwhile, she and her brother, Ryan Pacchiano, 27, hope to make the business name as commonplace in shopping areas as Victoria's Secret.

Over the next three years they hope to open 10 stores at a cost of about $200,000 each.

"Our company is probably the most high-end pet brand in the world," Pacchiano said. "We want to be known for growing from Seattle."

In the process, she said, one of her goals is to reclaim the word in its original meaning, a female dog, as opposed to a derogatory term for a woman.

http://cbs2chicago.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_053201624.html

AMES, Iowa -- More and more parents who are stumped for meaningful holiday gifts for their kids appear to be passing up the regular secular fare for religious board games and toys.

Instead of Monopoly and Candy Land, parents can choose items such as Catholic-opoly or Mormon-opoly for Christians, Kosherland for Jewish kids and a Race to the Kabah for Muslim children.

There's enough demand for the items that the multimillion-dollar industry is doubling yearly, according to Nikki Bado-Fralick, an Iowa State University professor of philosophy and religious studies.

She said games and toys are meant to give children a reminder of their religious roots.

But she warned that some may be a little too serious.

Bado-Fralick and a colleague plan to lead a class called "Religious Games and Toys in the Classroom" in the upcoming semester.

http://www.wftv.com/family/10590805/detail.html#

I purchased a Dell computer in October 2005.
I was supposed to get a $100 rebate.
In January I contacted Dell to see why I had not received the rebate.

After, of course, getting transferred 4 or 5 times and having to repeat my story to each
person, they told me they never received anything from me.
So, they tell me to send in all of the rebate forms and crap again!
So, I do it.
Guess what? Nothing happens.
About a month later I get a postcard in the mail that says,
"We can not give you your rebate because you have no Dell order number."

So, I call the bastards back and get transferred all over the fuckin place and finally end up
talking to Abu who assures me that I will be getting my lousy hundred bucks soon. This is
like the middle of March now.

So, on Friday, April 7th, I decided to try again. It is now A HALF A YEAR since my purchase!
I call the rebate number, (800) 969-5814.
The first thing it says is "If you purchased your computer prior to November 1st press 1."
So I press 1 and it says, "Please call (800) 969-5814, Thank you and Goodbye."
Now for those of you who are very observant, you will realize that that's the same FUCKING
NUMBER!!!! This is what's known in the computer programming world as an infinite loop.

So, I call their main customer service number and press the number in the automated response system for rebates. That transfers me to the previous recording that tells me to call the number that hangs up on you.

So, I call back the main customer service number and press the button in the automated response system to indicate I want to buy a new computer and I immediately get a human, if you can call him that. Aghack says he is very sorry for my inconvenience.
I say, "Can't you just whip out a check book right now and just write me a check for this lousy $100 and we can all be done with this?"
Aghack says, "No."

Anyway, Aghack puts me on hold several times for anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes and finally comes back with the promise that I will get my $100 in the next 15 business days.
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS.

Who are these Fucking people????
They're not even human!!
So I go to the drive up at McDonalds get the 2 burrito meal with a small diet Coke.
The guy hands me the bag and the pop and the pop has no straw in it. I say, "Is the straw in the bag?" and he says "What?" and I say again, "Is the straw in the bag?" and he gives me this totally disgusted look and says in a very condescending voice, "Yeah, the straw's in the bag."
Fine, I pull away and about two miles later find out that of course, in fact, the straw is NOT in the fucking bag.
I should just be allowed by law to go back there and kill him at that point..... no questions asked.
So, of course I take the lid off and attempt to drink some and I'm sure you all know what happens next.
Next time I go there, if I get the same guy, I'm gonna ask him, "Is your brain in your skull?"
I'm sure he'll say, "What?"

HAPPY B-DAY IHMC!!!!

What is the deal with the people, (all women at the store I go to), who work at the deli counter in grocery stores? Every single time I go to my local grocery store there are from 1 to 4 women working behind the deli counter and they are ALWAYS bitching.
And 9 times out of 10 it's 2 of them bitching about some other one that's not there..... "She's crazy if she thinks I'm going to work 3 9's in a row." Whatever a "9" is??? Then they turn to you with the fake smile that it looks like it's taking every ounce of their being to maintain.... "What else can I get you sir?"
You know another thing that really pisses me off about them.... they've got the fuckin number system and they DON'T USE IT!!!
I HATE THAT! Tonight, the idiot looks up at me and some stupid woman who didn't take a number and says, "Who's next?"
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Use your F'ING number system!!!

OK, the past few weeks after this Jones Soda F*cking Nightmare has been frustrating. I was so pissed about the online store experience that every time I saw my last name "Jones" I went into an almost uncontrollable rage. If you haven't read the beginning of this ordeal click here.

After calling Jones numerous times I finally started to resolve myself to never seeing this crap. Instead I kept going to my account on their web site hoping that the order would somehow magically appear. That never happened but something interesting did. The shopping cart went from stating that the Holiday Pack was out of stock to actually showing in my cart! I figured what the hell and placed an order on 11/13, two days after it sold out. To my surprise it took my credit card info and created an order!

Knowing my experience a few days prior I figured that they were still just the fucking idiots that I experienced before and the order would be cancelled with some bullshit excuse like, "Sorry we fucked this whole thing up, now bend over for some more!"

I let it go for a week. Every time I checked the order the status was Entered. Yeah, I know! I entered it damn it!!! Then it happened, the status changed to Processes and I noticed that the card had been charged. Another week and thanksgiving passed and no change. My wife started to hound me to call them but the scars ran too deep and I refused.

So she called. She is much better at that crap than I am anyway. She actually got someone on the phone that was willing to help her. The guy started asking questions that she didn't know so she turned to me and asked when I placed the order. Suddenly the wounds were open and she was rubbing salt on them! I yelled something like, "Tell them I order it the day it cam out and their web site is the biggest fucking piece of shit I have ever seen!!!" She tried to calm me but I proceeded to yell comments from across the room for this guy to hear. Things like, "What's he saying? They don't have any more and they're really sorry that they are all a bunch of fucking bastards?" The whole time she's trying to get me to shut up but it didn't work. It was kind of fun I thought. She hang up and told me that the guy said something was weird with the order and he'd have to call back, yeah right! He never called back and I rubbed her nose in it before bed.

So, I woke up this morning thinking about what bullshit this deal has been. Then I checked my email before leaving for work and I noticed a UPS shipping notification. I almost deleted it since I've been getting tons of spam that looks like a shipping confirmation. I decided to open it and HOLY FUCKING SHIT they shipped my soda!!! I wanted it for a party this weekend and it won't be here in time but I'm not complaining. I'm still in shock that they didn't screw it up more. And now I can look at my last name again without having a heart attack...

I can't wait to puke after tasting them!!!

If you don't believe me take a look at the tracking info!

A loser plus a loser still equals a loser. Perhaps an even bigger loser. Read about the merger here.

I decided I wanted to upgrade the memory in my PC, so I waited for a good deal to come along and one day I'm on thedailydeals.com and there's a great deal at Fry’s Electronics. I can't remember how much memory it was or who the manufacturer was, but it was a great price plus there was a $20 mail-in rebate.

So, on August 28th at about 9:00 AM I call the store and they transfer me to the memory department. I'm on hold for 15 minutes and I decide to hang up and call back. I call back and the operator tells me she's going to transfer me to the memory department. I say, “No, I just went through that” and she says, "Let me take your name and number and someone will call you back."

Two hours go by and no one calls. So, I call back and the operator says, "Let me take your name and number and someone will call you back." I say, “No, let me talk to the manager.” The operator says the manager is not available right now and she proceeds to tell me how this, take your name and number bullshit is "how Fry's Electronics is designed to work." So I give her my name and number again and this time about 2 hours later a guy from the memory department calls me back. I tell him what I'm looking for and he says they have it.

I get to the store and go to the memory department. You've never seen such a cluster fuck. There are 3 young guys working there and about 30 customers all trying to get one of the 3 to wait on them. You would think they could have taken a clue from the local deli and had a number system or something, but they chose chaos. After about a half hour I get through to one of them and tell him what I need. They write you up a slip of paper and then some other guy actually brings out the memory 10 minutes later and attempts to find you among the hordes of people.

I go up to the checkout and right as they are about to start my transaction their computer system goes down. Now they need to write up a manual ticket for the sale. And of course the guy helping me is some 17 year old kid on his first day on the job as is every other person behind the counter because I don't think they can keep people in these positions for more than a day. After about 15-20 minutes of screwing around the guy finally completes my order.

Now, keep in mind, the $20 rebate has to be postmarked by September 7th and today is August 28th. I ask the cashier kid about this and he says I won't be able to use the manual receipt for the rebate, but he tells me that a computer receipt will be "automatically mailed to me" well before the 7th. Yeah, and I'm going to win the lottery too. The cashier kid next to him overhearing all of this and seeing the skeptical look on my face assures me that if this doesn't work out, all I have to do is come in to the store and "they will have to give me a $20 bill". What is that???? Some unwritten street rule that I've never heard of???? My 12 year old daughter even said to me in the parking lot, “Dad, I don’t think that demanding the $20 bill thing is going to work.”

You know what happens next. September 7th rolls around and by virtue of some incredible glitch, the computer at Fry's Electronics has failed to "automatically" mail me my receipt. At about 1:00 PM that day I call the store and explain the whole scenario to some lady, (you know that's one of the worst parts about these disasters is how you have to repeat the entire series of events to ten different people before it's over), and she says, "we can't even find a record of a sale to you." Then she says, "Let me take your name and number and someone will call you back."

Two days go by and of course no one calls me back. I call the store and talk to a guy named Jason and I have to explain the whole sordid mess to him now. He says he has not dealt with rebates and no one knowledgeable about rebates is available to speak to me right now concerning this. He says, "Let me take your name and number and someone will call you back."

So, this morning I had the bright idea to try to get a few of those Jones Soda Holiday Packs that have the Turkey & Gravy, Mashed Potatoes, Green Bean Casserole, etc. flavors. I was hoping to have a story about us trying not to puke after tasting each of them.

After dicking with their damn POS site for 45 minutes I finally find a way to get to the product page and add the item to my cart. It states that there are 962 cases left. So I add 5 cases to my cart add wait for 5 minutes until it shows them in there. I clicked the checkout button as quickly as I could and to my surprise it popped up fast! I proceeded to enter my shipping info and then my credit card. Everything seemed to be working great finally! Then the god damn site states that it's processing my credit card. Then nothing... I wait... Then the screen changes and says that it's completing the credit card purchase... Again, I wait... Then it just stops processing. No confirmation, nothing.

Then I go and check my email. I received an email that my account had been created at JonesSoda.com. Cool I thought. Then I decided to log into my account to see my order status... It says...

"Sorry, one of the products you have in cart is out of stock. "

WTF do you mean!!!??? You had 1000 of them when I completed my F*&!#@! order!!! I dealt with your f'in pile of shit, pansy ass, inadequate server and completed the F'in order and now you're going screw me in the ass!!!??? I DON'T THINK SO!!! If you can't tell I AM PISSED!!!!

I called my credit card company and they have no record of a transaction from Jones. I'm disgusted that I share their name!!! This is not how Jones' treat people! I've called them and sent an email to have them explain whether or not my order went through. I'm hoping that they were just overloaded and that my order will go through. I really doubt it though! DUMB ASS SHITHEAD BASTARDS!!!

"Just when I thought it was over, they pull me back in"
- Michael Corleone - Godfather Part III

If you haven't read part I of this saga you might want to check that out first.
So, today I get a postcard in the mail from Blockbuster saying that I have 2 other rentals that are late and I owe $10.68. I call the wonderful people at my local Blockbuster and get yet another person who I haven't spoken to before which seems impossible since I've been on the phone with these people about 37 times in the last two weeks. I tell the guy about the postcard and he says let me look up your account. I give him my name and of course the next words out of his mouth are, "You have 2 accounts". AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!! I tell him before this phone call is over we are getting rid of one of those accounts. He tells me one account is "Steve" and the other is "Steven". The 2 rentals that were returned late are under the Steven account. So I say, "I have an $8.00 credit on the "Steve" account right?, insanely thinking I'll use that $8.00 to pay most of the $10.68 late fee. Then the unthinkable happened. He says, "No I don't see any $8.00 credit". This is where I wish there was the technology availbale to point a gun to the phone and have the bullett go through the telephone wires and come out his phone and into his brain. He says, "Our records show that you never returned the Cinderella Story DVD". Now I have to explain the whole Cinderella Story debacle to this guy. After I explain the whole thing to him he says, "Let me go look around and see if I can find it". I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I imagine he's standing there holding the phone at his side whistling and then after 5 minutes he gets back on the phone and says, "I can't seem to find it". His theory is that the computer, evidentalyy having artificial intelligence, realized that I had not returned the Cinderella Story DVD so it took my $8.00 credit. I said, "Isn't it worth more than $8.00"? He says, "yeah, they're worth $12.99". So I say, "Then why don't I have a -$4.99 balance?" He grunts..... I wanted to scream, FUCK YOU and the horse you rode in on and anybody who looks like you, but I held back. Then the guy claims I returned Cinderella Story 4 days late and I say, "You said a minute ago I never returned it"! Then he puts me on hold for 5 minutes and comes back and says, "I made a mistake". NO? REALLY? He says, "I bet it was a trainee your wife returned Cinderella Story to because this is a trainee store". Fuckin Great! As if these people aren't whacked enough as it is, I'm getting the whackos in training. He finally says, "We're going to enter in the computer that you returned Cinderella Story even though it appears as though you didn't, we're going to take your word for it".
I am amazed I'm here to write this story and that I didn't have a massive coronary right then and there in my kitchen. Now it's been a good half hour I've been on the phone with this guy. I ask him, fully knowing the answer will be no, "Can I transfer the $8.00 credit from the Steve account to the Steven account to pay the $10.68 overdue fee"? (which by the way in my opinion they should just cancel for me to make up for ALL OF THE SHIT THEY'VE PUT ME THROUGH!!). And, true to form, he asks his manager and the manager says "Oh no we can't transfer between accounts like that". So ends Part II. You know there will have to be a Part III like all great sagas.

I'd like to start a new feature on IHateMyCubicle.com
I'm going to call it Adventures in Retailing.
These are going to be intermittent posts whenever one of us encounters one of those incredibly bizzare episodes where you just can't believe what just happened between you and the retail representitive.

My first installment in this series involves a mis-communication between myself and several Blockbuster Video employees.
It begins with my 3 children and I at the checkout counter attempting to checkout 4 DVDs. Every time I go there they look me up in their computer and they say with a look that is a combination of astonishment and disgust, "You have 2 accounts". And I have to say "Yeah, use the one that has been actively checking out videos". They stare at the computer some more and finally figure it out. So I charge it and OF COURSE the charge card receipt doesn't come out. So, now the dude has to actually unplug the computer that the cash register is hooked up to in order to reboot it. After about 10 minutes I get my receipt and movies and head home.
When I get home, about a 10 minute drive, my daughter informs me that the dufus forgot to remove the security thingy that allows you to open the case. So I call the idiots and the girl who answers authorizes me to completely destroy the case if I want to or else I can bring them back in and get the security strip removed. Amazingly, she also informs me that she will post an $8 credit to my account, (I'd like to make a prediction here.... This girl is way to smart to be working at this store much longer). I use several tools to try to gain entry to the case, but it is to no avail. All I end up doing is removing the clear plastic covering and the paper insert with the description on it. So, I head back to Blockbuster and when I get there I make sure I get the douche who didn't do it right in the first place. I'm amazed once again, when he seems to remember me. I tell him he forgot to remove the thing and he looks at the one DVD case that I have semi destroyed and I can see he's not happy and I tell him Kristen gave me the go ahead to use lethal force if necessary to get the DVD out. He removes the security thing and hands them back to me and mumbles, "Sorry bout that". Unlike Kristen on the phone, he wasn't about to give me any kind of credit...... Bastard!
My wife is returning the movie in question, Cinderella Story, the next day and she makes a point of actually going in the store and explaining the whole situation to them and they say, "Ok, no problem. Thank you". You think that's the end of the story, but Oh No, the best was yet to come.
A week later a computerized recording calls my house and says in a voice that sounds like the WOPR from War Games... "Our records show that you have not returned the movie, Cinderella Story, and it is now 5 days overdue." I'm screaming at the computerized voice.... "BULLSHIT!!!!". So, now I'm pissed. I call over there and get a girl who was either high or brain damaged. I try to explain the situation to her and she says, "Let me go look for it"...... My wife returned this thing a week ago..... Where the Fuck is she going to go look for it??? She comes back about 2 minutes later and says, "I can't find it". I explain to her again that it is in a grey DVD case and that the paper insert and clear plastic covering are gone from it. She says, "Oh, it's just the DVD. Let me go look for it again." I'm like "NO! it's in the normal case they come in, but the paper on the outside that is yellow and blue that says Blockbuster on it and has the description of the movie and the barcode and the clear plastic covering that goes over that paper are gone. I CUT THEM OFF!" She says, "But the DVD is still in a case?" At this point I go into some trance for an indeterminate period of time like they do in TV shows and I'm thinking to myself, "Where in the world do they find these people? What must the job interview be like? 'Hello, I'm Jim, the store manager here at Blockbuster. Are you breathing? It would appear you must be since you're sitting somewhat upright...... You're Hired!'
Then I came out of the trance and she broke the silence by saying, " Don't worry about it. I'll look around for it. It'll turn up". How can you argue with this logic? So, feeling totally worn out, I just say, "OK", and hang up knowing that at that very moment the Blockbuster mainframe computer is dialing my house to tell me "CIN-DA-RELLA STOOOREE is now SIX days OVER-DOOO".