Recently in Jokes Category

Watch the cement bag trick...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was
astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and
everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped
up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the
envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.


Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she
is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because
of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and
the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not
only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for
ourselves and trading it with the other people that live
nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray
that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get
better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and
I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that
we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there
are worse things in life than the report card that's in
my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's
safe to come home.

Thanks for the email PokeyPuppy. BTW, you're still a homo! ;-)

Product Features:
Attach this evil prank device to your victim's computer and it makes random mouse movements and types out odd garbage text and phrases
Jumper setting allows you to choose between either keyboard garbage typing, annoying mouse movements or both
Adjustment pot sets the duration between annoying "events"
Works on any OS
Victim's computer requires USB port

Product Page: ThinkGeek

1.) "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"
2.) "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"
3.) "I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
4.) "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!"
5.) "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
6.) "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
7.) "You're so sexy when you're hung over."
8.) "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."
9.) "Let's subscribe to Hustler."
10.) "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
11.) "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."
12.) "I'll be out painting the house."
13.) "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too."
14.) "Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!"
15.) "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."
16.) "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."
17.) "Your mother did a great job raising you."
18.) "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."
19.) "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."
20.) "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"
21.) "Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
22.) "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."
23.) "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."
24.) "That was a great fart! Do another one!"
25.) "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!"

Thanks Mazdaparts!

A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and Sliced The man's wiener off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the wiener smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.

Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, "It....it was only a bug, Honey."

The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said....
"Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"